Holidays?

Its roughly a month into the holidays, time to evaluate how I've been spending it!

Okay, so these are some of the things i've done...

4L Class BBQ
Taking up swimming
Starting to gym
2C outings
Serious WoW raiding (finally)

Mmmm.

Well, to start it off, 4L bbq was a blast. (pictures on facebook) But, its a bit late to talk about it now. =p but everyone enjoyed themselves, and there was a little too much food =x
but i'm pretty proud of myself for organising it, nevertheless. =D

Swimming & Gymming.
Well, swimming have been pretty much solitary, considering its all lessons. I'm taking my silver soon and moving up (hopefully). Its something i want for myself. I've always enjoyed being in the water anyways.
As for gymming, I've just been doing it with friends, seldom alone. Its quite 'productive' in a way i guess. But i have yet to see any results... Hope by the end of the holidays... hehe. hahaha. =x yup.

2C Outings
More or less the same. Movie, Lan. Sigh. I need to organise something new quick. But everyone is going away! Jloh to japan, Jia wei to taiwan. and hong chuan MIA 24/7! Not to mention lynus going UK in January. =/
i'll do something about it.. and quick, i hope.


Ah well!
Thats the holidays so far. Productive or not? i don't really know. But i guess i'm pretty satisfied with myself. For those who are asking if i'm working, its a NO. Don't ask why. =) Yup!! so.. we'll see what comes ahead. I'm going Malaysia tomorrow! Shopping time! lol. till the next time.. cyas!

I'll always be waiting for you.

Graduation

I just had my Leavers' Ceremony & 4L class bbq. Also, helping out, probably for one of the last times in school as a student, in the school's open house. For me, this week has marked the end of my Marist journey.

I'll cut to the chase. Leavers' Ceremony was about taking photos. Enjoying yourself with the teachers. Being there in school. Taking in the atmosphere. For that One. Last. Time.
It was somehow... nice to be back in school. The school that groomed me to be the person i am today. Good? Bad? I'm sure its the former.

I went out for steamboat with 2C afterward. It was, i am sure, our last dinner together in our school uniforms. It was great fun. Nothing mattered anymore. We didn't have to talk about our 'O' Levels. We just enjoyed ourselves. Enjoyed each others' company. The feeling of it was just great.

In addition to that, the very next day was my graduating class' BBQ. It was a blast! We were really as a class then. It didn't feel divided. well, most of it anyways. haha. I think everyone enjoyed themselves too. Ms Koh, Ms Lee and Mr Lim came as well. I can't emphasize enough how fantastic it was. The pictures are on facebook. they'll say everything for me. We were all smiles. I thought i was never going to miss this class. I was wrong. I love it.

And today, was the open house. I helped out at Ms Koh's request. I didn't feel as much 'involved'. The new ICT programs were something i was totally unfamiliar with. I guess its a sign that its time to move on, and i have no idea whats in store.

Its now the curtain call. I'm graduated. I'm no longer part of the school. After a whole decade. I have mixed feelings about it. And now, the holidays ahead seem kind of empty. I dont know what to do. The previous year, i had events. camps. Outward Bound. Bintan. Confirmation. now.. its kinda just a blank piece paper waiting for me to write. Right now, I'm craving for some company. Some people on msn just really didn't help. Listening to Taylor Swift as well. Her platinum album is really good! haha. okay okay won't digress. (Listen to Forever & Always Piano Version) :P

To add on to the open house and my graduation, i watch as parents and pri 6 students explore the school. I knew, to a few lucky ones, they're gonna make it big in this school. And when i mean big, i mean that they're gonna make wonderful friends. expose themselves to various aspects of life. Root themselves in the right values. Discover themselves, and excel in what they never thought they could do. With the help of the perfect teachers here.

Just like i have myself. Right here, in Maris Stella High School.

I'll tell you after my Os

I got a really bad feeling about Os. The papers are not what i expected. argh.

mmmm.

i'll tell you again after Os. I hope you'll reciprocate.

Stray

a stray kitten you found off the roadside.
you played with, gave food, and above all, gave hope for another home.

But like all people, once you're no longer entertained by that stray animal. you leave it alone. back to where it came from. Crushing its hopes that it had raised ever since you approached it.

do you think this applies in the context of our daily lives? are we victims of such actions too?

i know i am.

I'm supposed to be mugging

Everyone all seems to be mugging. They're all staying up late, noses buried in books, writing down notes.. making their own...

why aren't i doing the same. Well, i'm doing a little bit of that. but yet, not to their kind of standard.

i know i've been consistently putting in effort for this whole year. Not too much, not to little either. But enough to get by. Its the last stretch. Its my Os. Its either i break it, or i make it. I got a new target for myself. A single digit result. And i'll get what i want too ;) !

With that, i'm sure i would be able to go to a JC of my choice. Through this year, i always thought i would be going to _JC, but recently... i've been asking myself, why is it that i want to go there? Does it really suit me? Aren't there alternatives? Am i letting the people around me affect my decision?

sigh. i dont know which jc to go to anymore. maybe i'll consider poly...? why isnt there a maris stella JC. -.- fuck. i feel more comfortable in a maris stella then ever before.

Sigh.. its time to mug again. I'll head to school tmr for some consultation i guess...

Reminiscence

There was a mass held in school today. I felt weird, because contrary to the usual masses i attend. I was one of the few Catholics that were standing up/kneeling and stuff. At least Sean Pang was with me! :D
But it signaled that my school year was coming to an end. My final school year.
Mr Lim also, did his part. He gave us the class' contact list. He gave us an individualized card for each of us. He gave us the class photo in the form of a jigsaw puzzle, perfectly, in a photo frame. He also showed a slideshow. Of how we were so quick to grow. From a mere 12 years old when we entered, to the more mature 16 year olds we are now. Thank you, Mr Lim.

I have spent 10 years in Maris Stella, including this year. From primary 1 to Secondary 4. And it has been one hell of a ride. The people i met, the activities i've been through, the friends i made, the taste of cruel reality. These are but the few that I have experienced in Maris Stella. It is these, together with the school, that has shaped me, as a person, as an individual. It wasn't all smooth sailing. But that was the beauty of it. What doesn't destroy you only makes you stronger.

I will miss this school. The place where I know I can truly feel at home.

I went swimming with my Secondary 2 Classmates today, and we went for lunch-dinner, dunch. We were talking about the times in Secondary 1, Secondary 2, how we met each other, all the different experiences we shared, all in disbelief, that tomorrow is the last day of school. Time flies... Too quickly.

And everyday, i think about my past experiences myself. Reminiscence. I do regret some things, not done properly, or not done at all. But its been a fantastic four years nonetheless. Its more than fantastic. I can't describe it in words. Its just... somehow engraved into your heart. Its a bittersweet feeling.

And soon, the past four years of rehearsal, is now going to pay off. The 'O' Levels are what we're going to tackle together, as a class, of 2009. And after that, things will never be the same again.

Off Centre

I've been feeling 'left out'. I don't know why.

I've been feeling abit 'off centre' i guess. When i read that play, i feel that i can really connect with the characters sometimes. I see their rationale, and somewhat, understand how they feel.

Are you sure that it is only because the play is crafted so intelligently in that way?

Is there a possibility, that we ourselves are off centre in our own ways? We have our moments...

Remember that passage that came our for Prelim 2? That's one of them.

i think i have lost some rationality myself.

What is...

How do you tell if ones sincere or not. People put up a great act nowadays. Sometimes they seem sincere. At other times, they do not.

Am i just reading too much into people's actions? Do i think too much? Is it wrong of me to scrutinize their every action and choice of words to extract a rough idea of what they are thinking or feeling?

Why bother, to ask of me, like you care, when you only show it minimally on a superficial level.

Why bother, to ask of me, like you enjoy my company, when you're obviously doing plenty of other stuff when i'm around.

Do you really need me to be there? Obviously not.
But, do you really want me to be there? I'll keep my fingers crossed.

You might want to ponder over that. You know who you are.

I'll disappear. Just say the word.

Anticipating..

I'm waiting for all my prelim results to come back to me. So far, it have been very mediocre... sigh. >.< I'm disappointed.

In addition, its like exactly a month to the 'O' Levels. I think i'm going to die. the anxiety/panic derived from it is enough to kill me. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

>.< save me. I like company! :)

Sudden Realisation

Recently, i've been finding myself in different difficult positions. I don't really know how to explain them. Or maybe they may just not be that difficult to you.I just feel really lost at times.

Have you ever walked home, and a sudden thought of what possible consequences there could have been for your past actions comes to mind? That happened to me. I just went all numb, and i just walked and walked. My legs were carrying me of their own accord. I couldn't really feel them. It felt like they weren't part of me. It was a terrible experience. It was like devoured in cold flames, from head to toe.

Sigh. Well, my Prelim 2s are over. Just up for the final obstacle for this lap of my life. The ever so big 'O' Levels. They're in 5 weeks time. Soon, it'll be all over. Soon, it'll be back to rotting at home and partying with my friends. And when i do get back my results, I'll ensure I look forward with no regrets.

Light

Okay. Its coming to the end of the Sept Holidays. & i havent blogged for so long. Damn Prelim 2.ah wells. O lvls are coming up anyways.

okay, so. what have i been up to?
i've just been hanging out with friends, studying, consulting Ms koh... etc...

oh oh, i went back for council bbq on monday. was kinda short =/ I preferred last year's bbq. had so much more time to play. hahaha. :P Ah well, i guess they have their own programmes now.

Lets see... i went to CHOMP CHOMP with ben wong one of the nights... bleh the bbq mussels were bad...

I went to 'shop' with BRIAN CHENG, Joel Yip & Jon Leong. They were a really cheerful bunch. great to be with juniors now and then =) thanks guys!
BRIAN U OWE ME MONEY

I was also out with Hong Chuan, Lynus, Wilfred after that... sat at starbucks and drank coffee.. talked about stuff. (dota) sians. hahahaha. =p

I also went to Nick Fengs house to study! Bleh they convinced me. weren't as productive as i hope. AND they blamed me for influencing them to sleep early. W-T-F . zzz

I went to look for Ms koh in school for lit assistance. i suck at that subject. plainly. lol. and Mr Kwok/Ms Koh bought me lunch at Yeo Keng Nam! WootS!

hmmm..i went to watch g-force! was a cool movie... studied with some other friends. that was really really fun. haha. ;)

and yea.. that pretty much sums up my Sept Holidays. till friday. haha. needa get back into the 'exam mood' which i'm apparently not in. As Ms Koh SAYS.

Narrowed down

Okay, somethings are looking up. i guess.

I can't really complain about everything i guess.

There's also nothing more i can do about you i guess...but i hope for another chance.

Prelims are next week. 'They're going to be a good gauge of where you stand for the 'O' Levels' teachers repeatedly say. I don't know where i'll stand. anyways.

B3 for chinese. Oral - Merit.

gonna retake. cos school asks me to. >.<

mmmmm. Sometimes, friends are the best things that happens to you. Mrs Chia gave us a sample composition today. I really enjoyed the story. It was about friendship, & the power of words contain.
Mrs Chia told me it scored 29/30. >.>

Hectic Schedules. O lvls.

I've talked to Ben Wong about different options after O lvls. I guess i know where i want to go and what i want to study. I will work towards that. That i will achieve.

I like to call it the 'Calm B4 the Storm'. Storms and hell will only break loose when the exams are over. ;)THAT i assure you.


thinking of you.


all the time.

Landslide

Things have been pretty hectic for me. In school. Outside school. I have no idea how did i land up in the current state i am in right now.

I just screwed up in school. Not with my studies, (well okay maybe abit.) but mainly with my friends. Particulary, ONE friend. Its damn screwed up. Lol. To think it has been 7 fine months. Ah well. Shit happens. My priority now is 'O' levels anyways. It just seemed so hypocritical, ironic in a particular way.

I am crumbling under the pile of homework I have. I just do not know where to start. I've been trying and trying, but never have i been productive for a long period of time. I just do not have that long attention span anymore. I look at classes that have gone before me. How they graduated, one year after another. I do not know how do they do it. And now, they can tell me the same thing every other person is telling me. To hit the books. ARGHH.

At the very same time, I feel alien to myself. I don't know why am i thinking (of that). It just seem to pop into my thoughts all the time. I can't get rid of it. I've tried taking time off for that subject. But its not responding. ITS JUST STAGNANT. THERE. omg.

it hurts so much...

Alright. let me just summarise these things for you.


I HAVE BEEN FEELING REALLY REALLY SHITTY.

Things that last.

Remember when you were a kid? Remember how even the simplest things in life could make you happy? Like an ice cream cone? or your favorite stuffed toy? Remember how was it like to be so young and innocent, free of any worry?

Remember...?

Ignorance truly was bliss then.

Not now. I'm trying to allow myself to enjoy life. To look beyond any shortcomings, beyond material things, knowing that the simplest things in life would bring you the greatest pleasure.

And this, is true. The simplest things in life do bring you the greatest pleasure, they are the ones that truly can make your life happy. These things, would include your friends and family, your workplace, in my case, school. Or maybe even in nature. Just sitting by the beach, or taking a stroll round the garden, and taking it all in, it just relieves you of all that stress and worry.

However, things really aren't that simple. You face obstacles in life. I know i do. They come in various shapes and sizes, be it in the form of people, events or sickness, and it is these obstacles that distorts our vision of happiness. Of bliss. Ignorance really isn't bliss. In fact, the way i see it, being ignorant just makes you fall harder. Consequences hit the ignorant the hardest, and that will leave a mark.

Is there anyway to face these obstacles? Well, i sure do know we can. The best way is just to take it by its horns. To be able to get rid of it, face it well, and to deal with it. After all, procrastination will simply make things worse. If there's one thing I know from this post, its this : Its not the weight that is pulling you down. Its just the way you're carrying it.

Trust me, been there, done that.

So, by this point of time, or earlier, you would probably be wondering why am i writing this post. Well, honestly, i don't really know either. I guess i'm just trying to find a spark in me, to see what am I really capable of.

Anyways, about these obstacles, they distort your vision, and they make you want something that you lack and are suffering because of this shortage. These would more than likely include wealth, material possessions, or a certain look. But have you have said, 'stop. Let me think twice.' Do i really need those things? Of course, you need a certain amount of these things (except looks) to survive, but do you WANT more than necessary? Or is it just the media, shooting all different kinds of information at you, telling you to buy the latest brand of shoes, bags, or maybe even a toy? Like when you were a kid. Advertisements caught my eye a lot as a kid, especially with toys. And when i bought them, sure, they may seem really cool at first, but do they last? Will they not break down after a while? Or go outdated and you're off to find the next big thing?........

Yea, i thought so too. The media just do give you time to think, it is so visual. Things just keeps coming, images, videos, voices, ideas. THAT is what makes it so powerful.

But honestly, we don't need the media to tell us what we need to be happy. We can decide for ourselves. I mean, isn't that why God gave us a free will? Do we really want to conform to society? To be labeled by them? After all, we do have our family and friends who are close to us. They do not label us by what we wear, or what we are, but by who we are. This is probably very cliche but yea...

Well, I guess I'm done with this post. It was done on impulse. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it and its really just my point of view on somethings.

Oh, and to end this post...

'The simplest things in life are free'.

Why does everything seem so bleak.

Is it me, or is everything just seem to be sinking. Its just the day before school reopens. and i've been thinking, about what to look forward to, if there are any. of course, there are my friends. But after a while of quiet contemplation...they just do not seem to be the way they were before. things change i guess. but.. i just do not feel as .... happy now. i dont know whats getting to me. but i hope theres just something, or someone, to come by and make everything better.

Maybe its just the homework. The pile of it that i have neglected over the course of the holidays. I made a promise to myself, that during the holidays, i'll take a good break. But was it really good? or was it too good?
i've just been playing computer games, (world of warcraft) and theres very limited interaction with my friends. not like before... i dont know...

i just wanna get it off my chest. i don't know what to look forward to anymore. things seem so bleak.

I don't know anymore.

Its almost the end of the June holidays. Time has been flying by. I don't even know if i am keeping up anymore.

Piles of homework. Tons of revision. and to top it all of, my tolerance level is sinking. till its rock bottom. agitation. anger. hatred.

'Staycation'

Hi guys! Haven't been here for a while now, my life has been very chaotic these few days.

So, to start it off, congratulations to some of my juniors, whom i know personally, who are now in the next MSHS Student Council EXCO.

They will be...

Brian Cheng (Secretary)

Loo Kee Yuen(President)
Joel Yip (Chairman of CCA Leaders)

Okay, now that that's out of the way, the 'Staycation'!
Kee Yuen and family has so kindly sponsored a room at ONEdegree15 Marina club, at sentosa cove. It's one big fancy place, i must say. It was only a one night stay, but however, the amount of quality time and fun we had together was immeasurable. The people that went would of course include Joel Lim, Kee Yuen, Brian Cheng, Joel Yip, Johnathan Leong, and myself.

The first day, we went for a swim at the pool. The pool had this really cool 'dine in the water' cafe kind of spot, where we could order food and dine by the table. It was certainly something that was new, for my anyways.

We went about having our own fun, shopping, pillow fights in the room, or just plain hanging out and talking over dinner. We had our dinner that night at VivoCity, at a chinese steamboat restaurant. (>>Kee Yuen doesn't take spicy. <
Anyways! Shopping!

Kee Yuen doesn't like shopping. fail

So yea, Johnathan Leong, Joel Yip, Brian and I were left to shop, and we were all trying to force kee yuen to try something. Which proved to be more of a challenge than i initally thought. He was as stubborn as a mule. I think I would have had better chances with teaching Joel Lim math, than to get kee yuen to learn a thing or two about fashion/shopping.

And the next day.. we had a short day out at sentosa.. nothing much.. but just to let you guys know, the 4D magix is F-A-I-L, in my opinion. Don't waste your money =)

So yea.. anyways, i'll let the pictures, do the talking! They're all on facebook.

Happy Birthday Mr Lim!

4th of June : Mr Lim Beng Huat's Birthday.

So it was our form teacher's birthday. It was surely an unforgettable Sec 4L moment, for us, and for him.

The day before, i had to get the stuff for his little surprise party. And that included, cake, present and card. I went to orchard road with Joel and Jeremy, and i got him a coffee cake from Bengawan Solo, a really big card, and a simple shirt for his present.

Then, the next day, it was showtime. We had everything set up. Benedict had his video, i got ready the cake and the card, and Marcus Quah went up to get him. He came in speechless. It was really looking at another side of him. Nicholas Feng even went up to cake smash him!

Well, most importantly, i think he enjoyed it, and really appreciated what we've done for him. I mean, how many teachers celebrate their birthdays in class like that? It was our first time too, i'm sure. :)

Post Exam

When i was in primary school, a tutor told me, after your exams, you'll feel bored and feel that there's nothing more to do. I never believed her. Naive and playful, i always occupied myself with entertainment like computer games and television after the exams. Superficial things that i indulged in previously.

Now, it's different. My prelim 1 exams are just over. I have my Chinese Language 'O' Levels exams coming in two weeks time. Time zoomed by... and will continue to do so. My exam results are not fantastic, neither can i say they are bad. However, i made mistakes i should not be making in this exams. Not mistakes on the paper itself, but rather, the mistakes i made in preparing for the paper. Not managing my time well and having lapses of concentration, were some of the things that i have not managed well. I start to look back.
What my English Literature teacher, Ms Koh, told us, was true.
Regret is a bitter pill to swallow.

But, she will not have the pleasure of telling me ' I told you so.'

I start to lose my momentum of work, turning back into that lazy and complacent student that I once was. But. This time. I feel different. When I slacken off, i do not know what I am doing. Sure, a bit of television, and a short episode with the computer each day, but after, it all feels... meaningless.

I start to want to get back to my books. To redo the things i did wrong in this prelim examinations. To want to show my teachers that i can do well. To be able to get the results i want. To be able to have the assurance that i am able to get a good post secondary education.
All these...

Just.

To be that perfect student.

Yet, there is a barrier. An invisible one. The source of the barrier is identifiable. That source, is me. I only crave for the fruit of success. Yet, I do not plant that seed.

What my Chemistry teacher, Mdm Lim, is true.
You reap what you sow, and you sow what you reap.

Wake me up!

I have not updated for such a long time, and for some reason, something told me to do so today.

So what have i been up to? Well.. school's been crazy for me. Having to wake up at like 6 just to rich school everyday by 7.15 is ridiculous (RAAdiculous)! [Pun intended] (for those who understand =D) The council is working so differently now. Having to reach school by 7.15 for excos or its 1 demerit point. How is it fair? That we have this extra burden while the other councillors can easily come in at 7.25am. I think excos should be given at least a bit of leeway when it comes to this. Also, what have i been up to in the council? hmm... nothing much! Why? Because now i'm only doing everyone else's 'sai gang' which is thrown to me. And the investiture (WHICH I TOOK UP BEFORE I BECAME SAI GANG WARRIOR) is my biggest project right now, together with all the sec 3s. It really brings out their true personality when i see them at work or not.

However, I've been up to other much better and more fun things, which at least, I am happy with. Debates! Yes, Joel Lim, this year, has so kindly hooked me up with MSHS debate team, and without a doubt, i had loads of fun with them! From learning expository writing from Mrs Champion/Mdm Azlin & Ms Koh to trying to be spontaneous and witty on the floor! It was an experience that i will never forget. An added bonus is that i get to skip the boring cca of mine. (MITS). Its suffocating to be in there.

But, debates are over, and so are the March holidays. Its time i get back to my schoolwork proper. Its piling and snowballing. It'll overwhelm me in a matter of time.

Besides that, I think i'm going to miss Maris Stella when i leave this place. Its already my tenth year being a Marist! sigh.. Ah well.. I have to stay positive =)

I would also just like to tell some of my friends how much i love them for being around me during these years.

2Charles 07
3L/4L 08-09
Selectively Selected Councillors
Retarded himbos from Debates

Full of Care...

Okay, the difference of pressure I'm getting in Sec 4 is definitely much much bigger. Look at all the homework, all the new chapters. Even I'm not coping with Sec 4 maths, while everyone is. This is so ridiculous.

My relationships in school with peers in this year also isn't shooting all the way up. Sure i have a couple of friends here and there, and without fail, my juniors are always around for me to talk to once in a while. It feels weird to be the oldest in school, and thats a good & bad thing. Sigh.. My time management also sucks. Everything sucks. And i just had to take up debates this year. Extra pressure for this 1-2months. Sigh..

I can't wait until everything is over.

Oh. I'm also disappointed by some of my friends. People really are not what they appear to be. No one can always be there with you. All the quotes about friends being there for you all the time and such, are not necessarily always true.

Or maybe i just have not found an ideal one yet...

Leisure - William Henry Davies

Its not what it used to be

School is starting to get really dull now. I am just not as motivated to study as before. Right now, I'm having a big dislike towards somethings, or rather, some people in school. They are not from my class, neither are they my juniors.

What if someone gets recognition and credit for everything that you've done because your just the backstage crew? The audience would easily assume the credit would go to the person in the spotlight. Shit happens.

However, there are also the better things in school that i look forward to everyday. That would of course include my class, 4L, 2C07 Classmates, and of course, SOME of my fellow councillors. (See a link?)

Anyways, the teachers are just piling homework up on us and i just have no drive to do them anymore. It just gets redundant.

Right now, i just want to escape, just for a day or 2. Have a good party, or just go over to the beach with my friends. Its simply not the way it used to be.

School Started!

School started last friday. Monday was the official day lessons began. I was surprised at the big changes i had in teachers, expecting most to be the same as sec 3. Right now, i prefer my chinese teacher last year so much more. I do not really like this year's one. Although i do hope i work well with him to achieve my best for my Chinese 'O' levels. As many of my friends would know, I'm really bad with Chinese Language. Sigh...

Being secondary 4 this year, everywhere you look is about 'O' Levels. Not that i blame it. Its natural for it to be like that. Teachers constantly reminding you about it, non-stop nagging from parents, and of course, being scared of that exam myself. I hope the effort that I promised myself to put in this year really shows. 

The first week of school, I have not really tuned back to it yet. I'm still behaving like a secondary 3. Not taking things seriously and wasting time...

I do have to go for Sec 1 Camp for the first week, so I know that would be my final escape from school and once its over, time for 'O' Levels... 

While I'm at this, I would like to wish my friend, Lau Hong Chuan, a Happy 16th!  -6 Jan